I'm not doing a great job reinventing myself

I'm that girl who has sixteen posts drafted and nothing to publish. Lol!

If you've been an avid reader of this blog I know that by now you assume that I've become a slacker. The posts are fewer and at times thoroughly mediocre. I mean, its always a pleasure to engage with you guys but I realized that I was so uninspired that of all my sixteen drafted posts, there was nothing I really wanted to put out there. Why you ask?

I have been on a "self-realization" journey. This involved starting to think more about what I really want rather than what people want from me; not only in terms of fashion and this blog but also in terms of my life and goals.

I think everyone goes through one of those seasons.............. Right?

Well, it hadn't occurred to me until I read "The Road Not Taken" by Robert Frost.

It says:

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

As I read this poem, I realized that sometimes I allow my canvas to be painted by other people other than myself. You see, that's the road most have traveled by. The road not taken, however, is the one where I should be the only painter of my canvas.

I haven't been doing a really great job reinventing myself.

I'll tell you why.

In regard to my life, reading this poem made me realize that the most dominant thing on my mind was vulnerability. The fear of it, to be more specific.

There's a promiscuous girl afraid of telling the person she loves that she loves them. There's a heart broken woman afraid of admitting that she was wrong to save her marriage.  A cynical man who has to re-learn how to be hopeful because his wife has just been diagnosed with Metaplasmic cancer. A sad and lonely girl too broken to realize that her life story can save other people's lives. A successful and achieved 40-something bachelor who had time to learn everything but how to love.

The extents we go to be a little less human are mind blowing. To say the truth, they all just leave us a little more lonely.

Why can't we just trust our human instincts? Why can't we accept that there are parts of us that not everyone will like? Why can't we be okay with that??

Well, I believe its fine that we are vulnerable and imperfect beings. In fact, I think vulnerability and imperfection are the core meanings of the word "HUMAN"!

Its okay not to wear heels all the time. Sneakers can also be sexy right? Its okay not to put a full face of make up on all the time. (Lets be realistic; this Kenyan climate will sweat your face off most of the time... Lol!) Its alright to spend our money unwisely at times, to be a little fat, to be a little skinny, to do another HIIT work out other than insanity or to do no work out at all. Its fine that you craved fudge, and treated yourself to little fudge cake aside from your weekly diet. Its fine that you're lovey-dovey relationship doesn't impress your hommies and that you don't care for how many insults they throw at you.

Its okay to cry, to say "I love you" first and to do it even if your heart has been broken several times before.

Numbing out vulnerability leads to numbing out happiness, love and tenderness; not only from you to others but also from others to yourself.

Once we learn how to accept that the things we've always thought were "so embarrassing", we learn how to provide inner peace for ourselves. That's what my pops calls buying roses for your heart. Soul nutrition.

The most delightful experiences fall into place after that. A new job you enjoy, a new and exciting lifestyle, a new love; you name it!

We set ourselves free.

So I decided that I'm going to be me. The most freeing state of existence that I can be. I hope that you do the same for yourself; vulnerability and all that jazz. Life's too short to be anything else :)

Before I sign out, I would like to share with you some beautiful words I recently read that seemed to have been jacked from my heart and written down by another writer. Lol!

I believe in boys with sad eyes and soft smiles.

I believe in girls who roar back at the thunder

and still kiss like the first time they fell in love.

I believe in the people who’s skin never felt like home to them,

so they carved home out of the dust beneath their shoes

and kept on going.

I believe in all the ones who are told they don’t belong.

I don’t think I belong either.

I don’t know what it means to “belong”

but I know the ones shouting have nothing to offer,

that fitting in is the fad diet we’re all starving ourselves to.

I believe in us.

The ones who have never felt good enough.

I believe in the girl next door, who likes to be called “her”

but who woke up, today, with a gender that felt like

hand spun wool and spilled milk,

and who still doesn’t know how to tell her mother.

I believe in the ones dating the wrong people

so their parents won’t have to know

who it is they want to love.

I believe in a fear like that.

I believe in the kindness of strangers

and I believe that turning a blind eye

isn’t what makes you bad.

It only makes you scared like the rest of us.

I believe people learn to be brave.

I believe in the hands picking flowers as much

as I believe in the hands that plant them.

Because sometimes our hearts are too big for our bodies

and they like to go bumping against each other–

sometimes,

love doesn’t mean what you think it does.

You and I don’t love the same, but we are,

all of us, out here loving.

I believe in the collection of fingerprints you pick up

from everything in the world you have ever touched.

If I believe in anything,

I believe that that

is enough.

 ―Ashe Vernon

All these are my musings. With tonnes of love,

xx
Mimmie.